I have been exploring the “Twin Flames” concept for about three years now, and throughout these three years I have not been able to shake the feeling that part of the information about this phenomenon is heavily distorted (consciously or unconsciously) and leads people away from the original idea.

Spoiler: does such a powerful love exist, the kind that is now fashionable to call Twin Flame love? Yes, it does exist, but it is not what people talk about on social media.

In this article I want to reflect on the topic of Twin Flames and analyze in detail the most typical signs (and possibly refute some of them). This is only my personal opinion, my feelings, and the result of my observations and research. You do not have to agree with this, just as you do not have to agree with anything else you find on my website.

In the classical description, a Twin Flame is one soul divided into two bodies, or a “mirror soul” that reflects you completely. The connection is considered not just romantic, but a catalyst for spiritual growth and transformation.

First, I want to go through the most common signs of Twin Flame couples, and at the end of the article I will give my own understanding of what “sacred, divine love” is.

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I will not analyze all the signs, but only those that can be explained logically, so that you do not remain trapped in illusions and do not suffer, because unfortunately, some people mistakenly take emotional dependency based on trauma, or relationships with narcissists, for a Twin Flame connection.

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In reality, it is much simpler than you think. The main question is — why understand this at all? To make life and your inner state more comfortable. “Your elements” make you calmer, they develop and inspire you. “Not your elements” take away your energy and time, they exhaust you and lead you away from your essence. You need to learn how to gather into your life the elements that correspond to you as much as possible and build with their help your own small personal world, in which you will feel comfortable, in which you will be able to restore your strength, gain inspiration, and find peace. “Elements” are everything you come into contact with in this life: people (the most powerful element), things, profession, food, films, music, hobbies, and other activities.

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So, how do you learn to recognize “your own and foreign elements”?

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I have already touched on this topic a little in the insight about enlightenment and the core essence of spirituality, but in this part of the book I want to return to this topic a little and dwell on the subject of spiritual development in more detail. Ahead, you will also find several more insights on the topic of spirituality.

The media strongly romanticize this topic. Spiritual development is presented as a “magic button” that will change your life, allow you to solve all your problems, become rich, become a free person, “exit the Matrix,” that is, the system in which we live and by whose laws we live, “disconnect from all Egregores,” understand how the universe works and generally understand everything, and, of course, gain magical superpowers. Spiritual development is presented as a “ticket to the club of the chosen,” who, after “enlightenment,” suddenly changed their life for the better, got on the ideal path, became ideal themselves, and gained endless happiness. All their problems disappeared, and new ones either do not appear or are solved with the snap of a finger. They have all “connected to the channels of Higher Intelligence” and now “they are guided by guides, higher forces, they have discovered God, the creator, within themselves,” which means they no longer make mistakes. Instead of solving boring everyday problems, the “enlightened” deal with more important matters on a global scale — “they fight entities, dark forces, try to stop wars and global warming.” And it is precisely this pink and fluffy marketing image that attracts crowds of followers, among whom there are people in difficult situations who are ready to go into debt for a “session capable of unlocking their superpowers, opening all their chakras, helping them achieve enlightenment.” But the miracle does not happen, or it is temporary, while the effect of suggestion lasts.

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Everything is much simpler. And more complicated at the same time…

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If you observe society, you will notice that even the most “imperfect” man will find a reason to be proud of himself, while even the most “perfect” and talented woman will doubt herself and find dozens of reasons to be ashamed of herself. Shame is not just an emotion, but a pattern that can quietly run a person’s life.

Shame as an Energetic State

A state of shame constricts the body, the psyche, and energy. It blocks energy, which is extremely harmful for a woman, because a woman should be as relaxed as possible, confident in herself, and rooted in love.

On the physical level, shame blocks expression, shuts down spontaneity, and creates a constant background feeling of “there is something wrong with me,” “I am wrong,” “I do not have the right to be the way I am.”

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Shame has long become a basic female feeling, and there are several reasons for this:

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In this article, I want you to look at tarot readings about relationships objectively and learn to distinguish where there is illusion, what the danger of watching such videos is, and what benefit can be taken from them. This also applies to videos where a person works without cards, but simply with information “from the flow” (clairvoyance).

I will be honest: at one point, I had this kind of addiction myself, so I can also use my own example to explain what happens to a woman who becomes attached to this type of content in the hope of finding answers to her questions.

Why do tarot readings about romantic relationships become so addictive, creating a desire to watch them again and again?

And why do creators of this content always have hundreds of thousands of subscribers and millions of views?

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There is a common belief: if a person feels that they are doing something bad, they will stop. This seems logical — after all, we have a conscience, empathy, and inner boundaries. But an experiment conducted in the 1960s showed something far more disturbing: feeling does not mean stopping.

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In our world, there is a lot of false knowledge whose purpose is to lead a person away from the truth, away from their true “Self,” away from their soul. And your task is to find a needle in a haystack, to learn to feel what is false and what is true. The topic of spiritual development is no exception. Small fragments of real knowledge are mixed with disinformation. Some people create an image of “spiritual guides” for the purpose of making money, although their information is more likely to mislead people than to develop them. Some figures serve the Matrix, whose goal is to make sure that you never establish a connection with your soul.

Right now, spirituality has become just another trend, a pop topic. Everyone talks about spirituality, countless new “gurus” have appeared who will open your third eye for several thousand dollars — and close your mind. Alongside useful esoteric knowledge and practices stands “schizotericism” and rituals that only work in the imagination of those who perform them. “Spiritual gatherings and communities” are emerging, where members feel special, chosen, and if someone is not into this topic, they are considered a “stupid materialist who simply hasn’t grown to this level with their childish consciousness and is not developing.” “You are stuck in the 3D matrix if you don’t understand what I’m talking about” — these accusations literally pour out from YouTube channels. Religion is a separate topic, but since it is very “subtle,” I will allow myself not to touch on it. At least not in this article. I will only say that it is also far from real spiritual development. Very far.

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Unfortunately, many people who think they are engaged in their spiritual development are actually engaged in self-deception, feeding their pride and moving even further away from their soul.

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Some species of butterflies live only 3–4 days. Moreover, they spend much longer in the caterpillar and chrysalis stages. And now imagine: the butterfly goes through this whole cycle — from an ugly caterpillar that can only crawl, and a chrysalis that hangs motionless, to a beautiful butterfly that is destined to live only 3–4 days.

And what about people? Some people behave as if they are going to live forever. They postpone important decisions and problems until later, avoid responsibility and extra actions, kill time on useless activities, and then feel nostalgic about youth. Others, on the contrary, are constantly running somewhere, always trying to get something done, wanting to accumulate a lot of money so that one day they can live well, but in reality they have no time left for life itself. Both the first and the second are not truly living. They are either surviving or postponing life until later, and then regretting that they did not manage to do something. Most often, people regret the dreams and actions they never dared to carry out.

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I suggest that you do a simple exercise, and if it seems useful to you, repeat it from time to time. Sit in a quiet, comfortable place and try to make sure that no one distracts you. Set aside about one hour or more. Take a sheet of paper and a pen. But I recommend having a separate notebook for this exercise and its repetitions. So. Calm down, relax, and try not to think about anything. And now imagine that you only have 3–4 days left to live. Try to feel this vividly, but I absolutely do not want you to feel fear of death, self-pity, or a sense of a wasted life. There is no need to program yourself for something bad. Instead, imagine, for example, that… in 3–4 days, someone will come for you and take you to a completely different planet, and you will have to forget everything that existed in this life. And everyone. You cannot take anyone or anything with you. Can you picture it? Now you need to sum up your life as it is at this moment. My questions may help you, but you can add your own questions that feel especially important to you. Think carefully and answer the questions as honestly as possible. Write your answers down on paper and keep them so that you can reread them from time to time.

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We devote far too much time and attention to what other people will think of us, how they will judge our actions, how we look in the eyes of society. We devote excessive attention to it. And energy. We may involuntarily remember awkward situations from the past from time to time and feel shame, as if we were reliving those situations all over again. And it seems to us that if we remember some ridiculous situation, even if it happened a year ago, then everyone who witnessed it remembers it too. Admit it, has it ever happened that you wake up in the middle of the night and remember some wild thing you did when you were a foolish child? Or a foolish adult… These fears and this shame create inner tension and affect our self-esteem. If we are meeting a person who witnessed our failure or shameful act, then as we go to that meeting, we already feel awkward and already label that person as someone who will judge us in some wrong way. We project onto that person our own perception of ourselves. Read that again carefully. We project onto a person OUR PERCEPTION of ourselves. But that is not that person’s attitude toward us. Nevertheless, this projection causes us a great deal of discomfort and prevents us from communicating in a relaxed way. In addition to unsuccessful past experiences, our head is spinning with a hundred thoughts about our current state — how we look, what smell comes from us, whether our hair is styled well, with what intonation we are speaking, what we are saying, whether we look stupid. After meeting a person whose opinion really matters to us (or several people), we may analyze how we looked during that meeting and how the person may have judged us. And we обязательно find some small negative detail to latch onto and begin criticizing ourselves for it. This happens especially often with people who are prone to self-criticism and have low self-esteem. Because there are many people who simply do not care how they looked, and even if they did something ridiculous, they either do not realize it or do not care. Such people can behave terribly and still consider themselves the coolest. But right now I am talking about those people who truly worry often about other people’s opinions, and for whom these fears and the certainty of their own imperfection genuinely interfere with life.

It is difficult to fight these fears, and often they arise on a subconscious level, when we cannot control them. But I want to calm you down a little so that you can relax, stop fixating on this topic, feel freer in communication with other people, and, accordingly, be able to express yourself more freely and more naturally.

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First, let’s clarify what we mean by the word “purpose.” Personally, I divide this concept into three components:

1. Global purpose.

2. Soul purpose.

3. Life’s work as purpose (what we call a calling).

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Perfectionism is a useful quality when it is necessary to complete an important task at work. We all want doctors, teachers, rescuers, and officials to be perfectionists. But when this quality becomes part of your personality, and you try to be perfect in all areas of your life, it starts to create problems. For example, such as procrastination due to the inability to do everything perfectly, abandoning your ideas and projects, internal tension from constantly trying to control yourself and your life, fears that something will not work out, following other people’s dreams that do not make you happy, psychosomatic illnesses caused by chronic stress, excessive self-criticism or even self-hatred due to the inability to be an ideal person, and much more. Therefore, perfectionism should be limited only to those areas of life where it is truly important — for example, where the result of your work directly affects the lives of other people.

I will list several non-obvious hidden reasons behind the desire for total perfectionism, and perhaps you will begin to wonder whether it even makes sense to create so much internal tension in pursuit of unattainable perfection… Be careful — these reasons may be uncomfortable to perceive. So, what may be behind perfectionism:

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Every woman has heard these phrases at least once in her life (and perceived them as normal):

— “you need to endure”
— “everyone goes through this”
— “a woman should be wiser”
— “be easier”
— “you take everything too personally”
— “endure it, it will get easier later”
— “there is no need to break everything at once”
— “a woman should smooth out conflicts”
— “the main thing is to preserve the relationship”
— “the family must be protected at any cost”
— “think about the children”
— “do not destroy everything because of emotions”
— “you are a girl”
— “be softer”

At some point, this stops feeling like a choice and becomes a rule of life.

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We do not notice how we begin to think thoughts that are not our own. They sound like ours — but in reality, they are a repetition of someone else’s beliefs, fears, prohibitions, and expectations.

Take a specific thought or belief as a starting point and answer the questions honestly. It is possible that some of what you believe, you never actually chose.

Questions:

• Did this thought appear after news / social media / a conversation?

• Have I ever tested it against reality?

• Who benefits from me believing this?

• Do I feel this as mine… or as something imposed?

• Who first told me this?

• Have I ever questioned this thought?

• Does this thought help me act… or does it stop me?

• Do I repeat this automatically or consciously choose it?

• Does this thought make me stronger… or more convenient?

• Would I pass this thought on to my child as a belief?

How to interpret the results

What matters here is not “how many correct answers,” but the feeling that arises.

Often, other people’s thoughts and imposed beliefs (when we live within the field of other people’s expectations) limit us, cause anxiety, block action, and create a sense of discomfort — when we seem to be doing what we “should,” but inside there is still an unpleasant feeling, as if someone told us that this is how it “should” be, but we ourselves do not actually think so. Imposed beliefs can also cause aggression.

If you answered “I don’t know” to most of the questions, or you are unsure of your answers and doubt a lot, this may mean that this belief no longer feels like the truth, but a new one has not yet formed.

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If a thought gives a feeling of freedom, support, confidence, clarity, and calm, then most likely, at this stage of your life, it is already your belief, and not just someone else’s imposed idea. This does not mean that it is right or wrong. And it does not mean that it will stay with you forever. It only means that, at this moment, this belief is part of your identity.

Any beliefs (ours or imposed) influence our actions and trigger a chain of events. If you have strongly believed in imposed beliefs, you should understand that the consequences will still affect YOUR life. For example, you believed in an idea based on hatred toward someone or something. You were told this on television. It is not necessary that you will express this hatred toward the object that is labeled as the “problem” or “enemy” in this idea. But you will, at the very least, experience this feeling of hatred when you think about this idea or discuss it with someone. Aggression and irritation may arise in you, and sooner or later this may manifest in some situation where you express that aggression or attract an unpleasant situation into your life. Because energy does not disappear — it transforms into another state. The energy of hatred and aggression must, in one way or another, transform into something. But this may have nothing to do with the idea where it all started.

Aggression is just an example. Other people’s thoughts and imposed beliefs can also make us doubt ourselves, fear taking a step, close doors for us (when we miss opportunities because of imposed beliefs), slow down our development, and lead us away from our path. And, of course, they can weaken our connection with the soul.

Informational and spiritual hygiene are just as important as physical hygiene.

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*Techniques and recommendations for calming the nervous system

1. The essence of the technique

This can hardly be called a technique in the literal sense; rather, it is a recommendation. It is about looking at your phone and removing what you do not use or what takes your time, distracts your attention, but provides no real value. The goal is not to “disconnect from the world,” but to remove digital clutter that overloads you, even when you do not notice it.

2. The mechanics of the nervous system

Each app is a potential attention trigger. Even if you do not open it regularly, it is enough for the brain to know that it is there when you notice the app each time.

The phone stores “entry points” for stimuli:

• the app icon

• its name

• its function

• the expectation that “there is something there”

This is like small unfinished tasks: they create a background readiness to respond. For the nervous system, this means increased arousal and a sense that you need to keep more under control than you actually do.

Removing unnecessary clutter frees you from dozens of such “micro-obligations.”

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3. How to apply it in practice

You do not have to review your entire phone at once. You can calmly go through your screens and ask yourself a simple question: “Do I actually use this? Or am I just keeping it ‘just in case’?”

If thoughts about an app cause slight fatigue or irritation, a sense of “clutter,” or the feeling that it takes up memory on your phone and space on your screen — this is almost always a sign that you do not need it. If desired, you can make a backup of your data or save a list of apps before deleting them to reduce the fear of “what if I need it someday.” Some apps we keep only because we think we might need them someday.

4. What a person may feel

Most often — relief. It is similar to the feeling after a regular cleanup, when there is more free space. Our brain does not care where you cleaned — in your room or in your phone.

Some users experience slight fear or doubt: “what if I regret this later.” This is normal: the brain does not like to get rid of familiar supports; it is used to always having a “backup option.” The nervous system prefers predictability, and any reduction of familiar options is perceived as a risk.

5. How to adapt the technique to your life

You do not have to delete everything — only what you definitely do not use. You can leave one entertainment app “for pleasure.” You can delete apps temporarily — if you do not like it, you can bring them back. Some users prefer to first hide apps in a separate folder and delete them later.

6. What to do if it did not work (or worked in a strange way)

If anxiety or a sense of losing control appears — you can slow down. Delete 1–2 apps, not dozens. If irritation arises from the process itself — this is also a sign of nervous system overload, not a mistake. In that case, you can postpone the review for a day or two. There is no need to force discomfort or make things harder for yourself.

7. If the technique causes anxiety or discomfort

The reasons for this have already been described above: fear of losing control, losing support, fear of deleting something important. Usually, this feeling passes after a few days, but as mentioned earlier, you do not have to delete everything you consider unnecessary at once — you can do it gradually.

Another option is to optimize apps. For example, you may have three apps with different functions, but there is one in the app store that combines all three. Instead of three apps, you can install one, without giving up the functions you are used to.

8. The condition under which the practice works more effectively

It works especially well if you do the review when you are tired, when the filter “do I need this” becomes more honest. In such moments, the brain clings less to unnecessary things.

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We almost always want to get things in life quickly and easily, and we often feel disappointed when we don’t get them — or don’t get them as fast as we would like. However, life is constantly teaching us patience. Imagine what it would be like if we received everything we wanted instantly, the moment we desired it. There is a reason for the phrase: “Be careful what you wish for.”

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Should you forgive someone who has hurt you? And what is the real meaning of forgiveness? Many religions teach us to forgive those who have wronged us, but no one really explains how to do it properly or why you should or should not forgive someone. I’ll answer briefly, the way I see it.

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Tarot is not fortune-telling about the future, as many people believe — it is a tool for obtaining information. There is a certain system, a methodology for reading (interpreting) tarot cards. However, people who read cards exclusively through this system — simply “reading” the images — do not use the full potential of this tool and often give inaccurate predictions. It is as if they are solving a mathematical problem and merely voicing memorized interpretations.

There are completely different practitioners who do not mechanically interpret images but bring a creative process into their work. They reveal the content of the cards in more depth, notice details in the illustrations (and every deck has its own unique imagery), and try to sense the “flow” of information beyond the pictures themselves. They also pay attention to their sensations and the images that arise during the reading.

If you are interested in this system and occasionally watch tarot readings, I would suggest looking for practitioners who, first, try to work in this intuitive flow rather than relying solely on memorized meanings, and second, focus more on you than on predicting the future. They may describe your current state, thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Such readings can be useful even as a form of free psychotherapy, gently encouraging you to notice your sensations, fears, suppressed emotions, desires, and experiences — to work through them, relax a little, calm down, perhaps gain hope (especially in love readings), and then continue building your life.

It is worth being skeptical of tarot readers who speak excessively about a carefree, wonderful future and mainly list your positive qualities, because most likely they are telling their audience what it wants to hear rather than truly working with the cards.

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Trying to know the future

I generally do not recommend trying to know the future through tarot readings. The future is multi-variant — we shape it every day and, one might say, every minute through our thoughts, words, and actions. Even if a reader perceives a moment that seems predetermined in your path, it would represent only one possible branch of reality, which you may never reach. In some cases, a practitioner may indeed perceive an event or describe someone from your life, but do not be surprised if what was described happens much later than expected — weeks, months, or perhaps not at all. Such “coincidences” may indicate that the practitioner has a connection with informational perception rather than simply imagining content on camera.

Thoughts and feelings of a specific person

As for tarot readings about the “thoughts and feelings of a specific person,” you should understand that thousands or hundreds of thousands of viewers watch these readings. A tarot reader — or pseudo-reader — cannot access the mind of every imagined person. Taking such readings too seriously risks drawing you into illusions, inspiring fantasies, or, conversely, causing disappointment or resentment toward narratives that may have nothing to do with the real thoughts and feelings of the person you had in mind. The best way to understand what another person thinks and feels about you is to overcome your fears and speak with them directly.

Decision making

Be especially cautious with tarot advice when it concerns decisions that can significantly affect your life. For example, when a reader says that someone in your environment has feelings for you but you should not make the first move because it would show weakness or neediness. All important life decisions should be made independently and based on your own feelings, not someone else’s guidance. In your particular situation, you may need to act in a completely opposite way to what a specialist or pseudo-specialist suggests — and this applies not only to tarot advice but also to psychological advice. Even if you make a mistake, it will be your personal experience. Mistakes are also part of the soul’s experience, whether we like it or not.

Free tarot readings

If you watch general tarot readings — free ones intended for a broad audience, for example on YouTube — keep in mind that they may not resonate with you at all, may resonate partially, or may resonate fully. What matters is whether the information resonates with you. Do not accept everything as absolute truth, especially interpretations about other people’s feelings and plans. Use such information only as a way to improve something within yourself, gain insights, or notice aspects of your life you had previously overlooked — or as temporary emotional support during a difficult period. Temporary is key. The problem for many viewers is that they become dependent on such videos and sink into illusions instead of engaging with real life — for example, building real relationships instead of fantasizing about another person.

Unfortunately, among the vast number of “tarot readers” on YouTube, only a few genuinely perceive something while working with the cards and can accurately interpret their impressions and imagery. Only occasional videos from such practitioners may appear at the right moment and become a source of meaningful insight. A few may even feel like a personal message — and you will likely sense this.

I can also suggest buying your own deck, learning the basic tarot reading system, and using it as a small assistant or advisor in different situations. If tarot feels too complex — for example, if, like me, you work more with imagery and inner sensations than with logical systems — metaphorical cards may suit you better. They are easier to learn and can effectively develop intuition.

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With this title, I do not intend to frighten you or suggest that a relationship with a narcissist always leads to cancer. Of course, this is not the case. However, situations where victims of narcissists developed this illness after living with them for a long time do occur, and it is unlikely that this can always be called a simple coincidence — just as with other health problems experienced by victims of narcissistic abuse. Although official medicine does not name exact causes of cancer, doctors who have directly treated oncology patients have noted that almost all of them shared similar psycho-emotional states that preceded the onset and development of the disease. In other words, these people first experienced a certain internal emotional condition, and only afterward did the illness appear. You can find information about this in open sources. This does not mean that a particular emotional state will necessarily lead to cancer, but it can be one of the factors that increases the risk of developing this or other illnesses.

One of the consequences of living with narcissists is a shift in psycho-emotional state and a significant drop in the victim’s energy level. This can lead to psychological disorders — from deep depression to more serious mental health problems — as well as physical and psychosomatic illnesses. But mental and physical health issues are far from the only consequences of psychological abuse. If you still hope that a narcissist will change or that you can change them, think first about yourself — about your mental and physical health next to this person, which is slowly, and perhaps no longer slowly, deteriorating while you continue hoping for the best.

So, I invite you to look at the psycho-emotional states often observed in oncology patients before the onset of illness and compare them with what a victim experiences while in constant contact with a narcissist — for example, when living together in marriage.

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We all periodically like to put things off until later, and we often explain this by fatigue, laziness, or simply a lack of desire to complete a task. I want to name the main possible causes of procrastination, including the less obvious ones, and give a few tips on how to deal with it. The causes can be psychological, physical, energetic, spiritual, and social. In your case, there may be either one cause or several at once (choose what fits your specific situation):

Fear of failure. A person is afraid of not achieving the expected result and therefore postpones the task. They may spend a long time analyzing their actions, changing the concept of how to solve the problem, but the longer they do this, the faster they reach burnout, when they stop seeing any point in solving the task at all. In this state, a person simply forces themselves to do something, but the result may turn out to be unsatisfactory.

Learned helplessness syndrome. This syndrome develops after many failures in life. A person stops believing in their abilities, does not feel safe, and feels that they control nothing. A person needs to see the results of their actions, but when they fail ten times, the eleventh time they do not even want to make an effort and feel like giving up immediately.

Fear of success. This is the other extreme. Sometimes a successful outcome is frightening because of possible changes in life and the need to step out of the comfort zone, which can also cause procrastination.

Perfectionism. The desire to do everything perfectly leads to postponing the task, as it always seems that you are not ready enough and need to improve or redo something. As a result, endless refinements lead to emotional burnout. I have a separate insight about the causes of perfectionism.

Low self-esteem. People who are not confident in their abilities often postpone tasks, believing that they will not be able to cope or that the result of their work is not needed by anyone anyway.

Lack of discipline and self-control. Some people find it difficult to concentrate and organize their actions, especially if a person has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Anxiety and stress. When a task causes strong emotional tension, a person may avoid doing it in order not to experience stress.

Laziness, fatigue, depression. Physical or emotional exhaustion can cause a reluctance to start complex tasks. Yes, sometimes a person simply does not have the strength to do anything.

Boredom. If a task is not interesting, a person may postpone it.

Biological rhythms. Each person has their own time when they are more productive. For example, some people find it easier to complete tasks late in the evening, while in the first half of the day they simply find it difficult to concentrate. And then a thousand reasons appear to postpone the task.

Environmental influence. If there is no support in society or family, or there are contradictory or excessive expectations, this can complicate the process of completing tasks. A person feels pressure from the outside, and this puts an additional burden of responsibility on them, without which it would be easier for them to complete the task.

Information overload. In the modern world, the abundance of information and tasks constantly distracts our attention, making it difficult to focus on important things.

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Lack of purpose or meaning. When a person does not see meaning in what they are doing, but has obligations, they tend to postpone tasks.

Mismatch between actions and inner path. Procrastination can be caused by the fact that a person’s actions do not align with their spiritual values, principles, or life mission. This internal contradiction leads to a reluctance to spend energy on things that do not resonate or even cause rejection.

Lack of energy. Sometimes people postpone tasks because their inner energy or spiritual strength is in decline and they lack internal motivation. A person feels like a battery with a minimal charge.

A sign of a lack of spiritual growth. Procrastination can be a signal that a person is not paying enough attention to their spiritual development. It can be an expression of inner emptiness or disharmony that slows them down on the way to their goal. Simply put, the soul has long been asking for change, it wants a new level of life, but the person is stuck at the old level as if in a swamp. Subconsciously, a person feels that this is no longer their level, that they should already be doing completely different things, which is why some tasks feel like an unnecessary burden, like garbage, like a meaningless waste of time.

How to deal with procrastination?

I believe that it is impossible to completely defeat procrastination, and there is no need to do so, otherwise we will move to another extreme — constantly filling our time with tasks, which will eventually lead to emotional burnout and the same procrastination. But it is necessary to learn how to reduce the duration of procrastination and reduce how often it appears, especially if it clearly interferes with your life, slows your development, and prevents you from moving forward toward new opportunities.

The first and most important thing is to try to imagine that you have very little time left to live, to realize and truly feel that you are not eternal — or rather, your body is not eternal. Try to remember how many missed opportunities there have already been in your life, and how you regretted them. Realize that avoiding problems does not solve them, so simply hiding and waiting for everything to resolve itself will not work. Look in the mirror and honestly answer the question — are you satisfied with the position you are in right now? As a rule, this small practice immediately sobers a person and brings them back to the state of “here and now.” It is useful to repeat it from time to time, because the desire to procrastinate will still return.

Sometimes we postpone not just some minor everyday tasks, but truly important things that can open new opportunities for us. For example, we stretch learning a foreign language or starting our own business over what feels like a thousand years. We postpone learning new skills or do not strive to develop relationships because it is more pleasant to dream than to act. In such moments, it is important to understand that you are not just postponing tasks. You are postponing your future. As if you are going to live forever.

Learn to distinguish harmful procrastination from periods of rest that are actually necessary. Fighting procrastination does not mean that you have to work from morning to evening without any rest or idleness. No, that will only create additional stress and lead to burnout. You need to learn how to create a balance between the time when you act and the time when you rest. A tilt in either direction is equally harmful.

Review your task list and think about which tasks are truly important or more important at the moment, and which can be postponed or canceled altogether. Think about the results. Imitation of intense activity with barely noticeable results is just as harmful as procrastination. It is also worth analyzing what led to the appearance of each task or problem — perhaps it could have been avoided. It often happens that we postpone small tasks until they accumulate like a snowball or lead to more serious problems that we are forced to solve anyway, whether we want to or not. And this huge problem or snowball of tasks causes panic — that is, stress, which in turn again causes procrastination, and we continue to delay things until a critical point, when consequences already occur. But sometimes it is easier not to let the situation reach such a scale than to try to solve ten tasks at once.

Try to minimize the number of tasks that emotionally pull you down and increase the number of inspiring tasks that you enjoy doing. Surely there are things you can do for hours without any procrastination. If your day consists only of unpleasant or routine tasks, you need to dilute them with something enjoyable. A simple example — if you need to do a deep cleaning at home and you hate it, but you like dancing, clean while dancing to music. At least you will have fun, and you will not even notice how the house becomes clean.

Promise yourself a reward for completing a task. Yes, if you watch another episode of your favorite series after completing the task rather than before, it will be more effective and better for you.

Do not force yourself if the task is not urgent. Often we make ourselves do something through willpower. It really works, but if you act this way constantly, sooner or later it leads to emotional burnout. If possible, it is better to postpone the task to a time when you have more desire and motivation to complete it.

Remember information hygiene. For some reason, we think that scrolling social media or chatting with friends is necessarily rest. It is not. You may have noticed that sometimes after scrolling social media or reading the news, you feel worse — you may feel tired and emotionally drained. You have overloaded yourself and your brain with unnecessary information, got emotionally involved somewhere, and in the end simply wasted your energy. Hours of scrolling and watching videos on the internet are better replaced with something that actually inspires you and fills you with energy. Or you can simply sleep.

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Way number 1. Learn to “read” people”.To be an interesting and pleasant interlocutor, you need to learn to understand what other people are feeling in communication with you, and what they may be thinking. To develop this skill, observe people and try to guess what emotions they are feeling. You can then ask them if your guess is correct. Of course, this should be done in an unobtrusive way, not as an interrogation, but in a more natural way.

Way number 2. Learn how to express your emotions. In fact, many people have a problem with expressing emotions. You need to practice your tone, manner of speech, facial expressions, and body language. Practice in front of a mirror, take a video of yourself, and try to first judge for yourself how charismatic you are.

Way number 3. Learn to control your emotions. Showing the wrong emotions at the wrong time can make other people uncomfortable or even make them lose respect for you. For example, uncontrollable anger or emotions that can make people feel uncomfortable around you. Lack of emotional control is a sign of immaturity and lack of self-discipline. Yes sometimes it can be the cause of some mental illnesses, but the people around you don’t care what diagnoses someone has. They will rely on their own feelings around you.

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Way number 4. Learn to recognise non-verbal signals. In your free time, you can watch people who communicate with each other, for example, in a cafe or public transport. Your task is to try to recognise their body signals, their feelings. For example, does the person feel uncomfortable around the interlocutor? Does he or she try to hide or show his or her falling in love? Do people feel comfortable with each other or do they want to end the conversation faster? Are they smiling sincerely or have they just put on masks because the situation demands it? You don’t need to know for sure if you’ve guessed or not, it’s just training your intuition and ability to recognise body signals. In the future, this skill will help you better understand what other people are experiencing with you and how they react to you.

Way number 5. Learn to play by the social rules of the society you are in. Social rules are different for different cultures, ages, regions, social strata. It is obvious that you will not communicate with a football fan at a festival or an elderly neighbour in a new house the way you communicate with your boss or subordinates. When practising charisma for different social groups, proceed from how comfortable you are in these groups. You do not need to specifically adjust to the society in which you are uncomfortable. It’s not worth it. Socialise with people with whom you can be yourself.

Way number 6. Expand the outlook, enrich the vocabulary, learn to express your thoughts clearly, precisely and beautifully.

But the most important thing to say is that charisma is something that comes from within. This is your energy. No external attributes will have a strong effect if you are empty inside.

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