Red Flag #1. Declarations of Love That Come Too Fast
Red Flags & Manipulation
One person is capable of energetically uplifting us, and one person is capable of energetically draining us and destroying our life. The Red Flags & Manipulation category is created to help you recognize toxic behavior in time, so you can protect and save your time, mental health, energy — and direct them toward something more constructive.
Let’s start with the first red flag. You met a week ago, and he is already saying that you are the love of his life and that he has never loved anyone like this before. Or she, it doesn’t matter. Yes, love at first sight and instant recognition do exist, but this is a very rare phenomenon and is usually characteristic of highly developed individuals for whom this is not their first relationship. Unfortunately, in most cases, declarations of love that come too fast are a sign of manipulation or psycho-emotional immaturity. Some people, especially those who are sensitive, kind, and empathetic, perceive such declarations as if they have won a lucky ticket. But the joy does not last long.
Example: Jake texted Sarah after their second date: “You changed my life! I can’t imagine a single day without you!” — but they had only seen each other three times. Such words may not be an expression of feelings, but a desire to quickly attach you to him.
You may think that I have puritanical views, but a marriage proposal after one month of a relationship or the desire to have a child after three months is also not entirely normal. Building a healthy relationship requires time. First, it takes time for both people to become more self-aware, and then it takes time after the first meeting to truly get to know each other.
Real love is too valuable to be scattered through intense declarations left and right. Therefore, with high probability, declarations of love that come too fast can indicate many things — but not love.
Why is this done?
To trigger a strong emotional response in you and accelerate the development of the relationship. A manipulator aims to make you emotionally attached faster, before you have time to objectively evaluate his personality and behavior. It also creates the illusion of a special connection, which makes it harder for you to distance yourself if something goes wrong. By the way, this technique is used by virtually all narcissists. Their declarations sound so sincere that it is difficult to suspect the indifference and cold calculation behind them.
How should you respond?
Maintain clarity of mind and do not give in to emotional pressure:
“I appreciate hearing that, but real feelings take time. Let’s get to know each other better.”
If the person is sincere and emotionally mature enough, he will be willing to develop the relationship naturally, without rushing or applying pressure. If he becomes offended or starts saying that you might miss your chance and lose a “worthy man,” then it is better to confidently and without regret distance yourself from such a person.